In response to the plinky.com question: “You have to give away a million dollars. How?”

Yeah, I could just go around offering a million dollars to the first person I see – but let’s be honest here – if I’m the sort of chap that goes around giving away huge amounts of cash like this, then it follows that I’m also some sort of eccentric billionaire- bored with his hum-drum lifestyle of champagne, cocaine, high class hookers and jets. Someone who wants to bring something a little more to the lives of the ordinary people he’s spent years trampling over in his constant thirst for the filthy lucre. With this in mind, let’s get a little bit creative.

1. Stand in a busy street and offer members of the public £10 dollars for each genuinely nice thing they do to/for a person in the street today. It would have to be witnessed by me, and I would judge accordingly. Obviously, it would get a little busy with people doing good things to one another, all of whom in turn are trying to be nice. Effectively, I’d be forming a positive vibes feedback loop – people trying to out-’nice’ the people around them. Imagine that in Grand Central station… ah, glorious!
   But then again, the growing crowd of people would slow down people just trying to get on with their lives – missing their trains, appointments – business deals fall through, shops and businesses ultimately suffer in an order of magnitudes far greater than my paltry million dollars.
   No. That won’t do at all. Hm.
2. Okay, picture this: Huge tankers pull up to the ends of large business areas. There are people everywhere performing the daily drudge to work. Grey suits, sorry looking cups of coffee, absolutely no smiles, as they enter large faceless monoliths to spend the day sat in front of a monitor, pushing figures around.
   The tankers push a button and funnels come out of the sides. Another button and bubbles start to get pushed into the air. Gently at first, but faster and faster they come – floating into the air, up around the huge glass buildings, floating around newspaper sellers and commuters alike. The people start to notice – the gentle bubbles floating around trigger memories of their childhood, carefree times without the stresses and strains of later life. Smiles and giggles start to creep out – and for a bit – just a little bit of happiness is restored to these people as they continue onto their jobs and their days. Lovely.
   Unless the bubbles start to pop on expensive suits, in coffees, on newspapers – it all starts to get a bit soggy everywhere. People start to slip up on the bubble-residue soaked streets – back injuries, twisted ankles.. ooh it’ll be horrible.
   Right. Not that.
3. Pay for air-conditioning on the Subway? Hmm – but how will it be maintained after I’d bought it? Badly maintained air-con is a rampant breeding ground of legionnaires disease. Nah.
4. Become a masked vigilante and fight crime? Embody a symbol of the City – help people feel that someone is out there, trying to help in an otherwise corrupt world? But what about escalation? Nah.
5. Fund a cure for Cancer? One million dollars? Wouldn’t even make a dent..

Um.. “Excuse me sir. Would you like a million dollars?”